Relationship Repair Helper
Share your relationship situation and feelings - Get step-by-step guidance to heal your connection
How to use
We've been together for three years, but lately I feel like we're drifting apart. She's been increasingly busy with work, often staying at the office until late, and we barely see each other anymore. Even when we do meet, she seems mentally distant and distracted, always checking her phone or talking about work. I feel lonely and neglected, while she seems stressed and overwhelmed. I've tried to talk to her about it, but she just says I'm being too needy and that her career is important right now.
Oh man, this sounds really tough... I can totally hear how much this situation is wearing on you.
You know what's interesting though? The way you described it - her staying late at work, being mentally checked out, getting defensive when you bring it up - it kinda sounds like there might be something deeper going on with her too. Like, maybe this intense work focus is her way of dealing with stress or avoiding something else?
The tricky part is finding a way to have this conversation without it turning into a work vs. relationship debate.
Maybe instead of focusing on the time apart, you could try approaching it from a place of concern for her? Like, "Hey, I've noticed you seem really stressed lately, and I miss connecting with you. Could we set aside some time this weekend to just decompress together?" Sometimes people are more receptive when they feel supported rather than criticized.
And real talk - while you're trying to fix things, make sure you're taking care of yourself too. Have you been keeping up with your own friends and interests? It's easy to get caught up in trying to save a relationship and forget about your own well-being.
Want me to help you think through some specific ways to approach that conversation with her?
We actually had a weekend just the two of us without phones, and we talked about a lot of things. I think we've lost some spark over time, but she said she wants to try to be more present with me. I'm happy to hear that, but I'm not sure if she's just brushing me off. I really want to make this work, but I don't know what steps I should take next?
That's actually a really good sign that you both took that time to unplug and really talk!
But I totally get that weird uncertain feeling after a big relationship talk. It's like... okay, we said the words, but now what, right?
Here's what I'm thinking - instead of waiting to see if she follows through, maybe take the lead in a low-pressure way? Like, you could start with something small but meaningful. Maybe surprise her with her favorite takeout on a busy work night, or suggest a quick 20-minute coffee date in the morning before work?
Also - don't overthink every interaction right now. Sometimes when we're worried about a relationship, we start analyzing every little thing and that can actually create more tension.
Want to bounce around some specific ideas for those smaller reconnection moments?
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